Well, it's Sunday, and that means it's time to trudge out on the ice, take a seat in the fish-house, bait our hook and reel another prize for this week's Sunday Eel Pout. The week's outrages, idiocies, and facile indignations will be compiled, and the most unworthy candidates will be awarded The Sunday Eel Pout. Your candidates are as follows:
- Richard Perle, one of the primary 'architects' of the Iraq invasion, wrote an article this week in The American Interest that offers several confusing and contradictory statements about the "success" of the Iraq invasion and subsequent occupation. The title of the article is "We Won Years Ago", in which he states that we have won because "Saddam will not be sharing WMD with anyone. Judged against that measure, we have already won in Iraq". Yes, Mr. Perle, (the deceased) Saddam will no longer be "sharing" (did he ever threaten this?) his non-existent WMDs. So we've "won" then, right? Not so, says Perle: "...despite the widely, if grudgingly, acknowledged progress of the surge, the war is far from over". So which is it, Mr. Perle? He also brags, by way of a quote from the reprehensible tool named Fouad Ajami, that the invasion has established "a Pax Americana [that] anchors the order of the region". Really? If anything, Bush has shattered the order of the region.
- Reuel Marc Gerecht, from the American Enterprise Institute and a former CIA officer, who proposes that we 'pretend' to negotiate with Iran as a pretext for bombing them. Negotiations are "something that must be checked off before the next president could unleash the Air Force and the Navy". We must, however, beware that talks "could bind the United States to meaningless, stalling discussions", so these negotiations must essentially be for show. After this, of course, "the military option would likely become convincing to more Americans".
- Alberto Gonzales, former Attorney General and Bush crony, who this week compared Bush with Lincoln. Bush also has presented himself as the contemporary Lincoln. This has been a recurring theme within neocon circles, with Karl Rove, Rudy Giuliani, and Newt Gingrich saying the same thing. Gonzales received $30,000 for his little speech, in which this scholarly figure would only answer pre-approved questions. He further offered that Bush's brilliance "will be revealed in years to come". Perhaps through multiple subpoenas, one would hope.
- President Bush, who this week in Africa presented a cut in funding for AIDS, TB, and malaria as an increase in funding. Congress gave Bush $841 million for the Global Project, but Bush reduced it to $500 million since, as one his stooges said, “You don’t want to pile up money.” So cutting $341 million is now considered an increase in Bush-speak.
- Arizona Senator John McCain, who this week criticised Obama as naive for saying he would take military action in Pakistan, even without the Pakistanis' permission if they wouldn't give it. As McCain further said, " I would not broadcast to the world that I am going to bomb a sovereign nation in order to accomplish my goal." So, Mr. McCain, weren't you the guy that broke out singing a reprise of "Barbara Ann" calling for the bombing of Iran? Isn't Iran a "sovereign nation"? Is that "naive", or is it only naive if someone else does it? Of course, the Bush Administration last month did exactly what McCain is criticising Obama for proposing. When asked about this, McCain said Obama was "wrong in speaking publicly about the option". So one must wonder if it was also wrong for McCain to speak publicly about bombing Iran. So much for "straight talk". Mc Cain is also eligible for a Sunday Eel Pout for his flip-flop on "taxes for the wealthy".
“There’s one big difference between me and the others–I won’t take every last dime of the surplus and spend it on tax cuts that mostly benefit the wealthy.” [McCain campaign commercial, January 2000]
So, as we reel in another putative prize and lay it out on the Minnesota lake ice in disgust, the sense of anticipation builds. Which bozo will take this damn thing home?
The winner of Minnesota's absolutely unwanted, utterly uncoveted, dismally appropriate, shudder-inspiring, and completely ignominious Sunday Eel Pout is... John McCain for saying it's wrong to publicly talk about bombing a sovereign nation, unless he does it, but that it's okay to actually do it if you are in the Bush Administration, because it's talking about bombing a country that really bothers a sovereign nation, not the actual bombing. This is McCain's second Sunday Eel Pout.
No, you can't throw it back. It's against the law in Minnesota to throw a rough fish back in the water. You're stuck with it, like every other angler in the North Star State. Feed it to the dog, use it to symbolise what we are fighting for in Iraq, waterboard it until it "talks", but get it the hell out of my sight.
All of the idiots in this week's race were unquestionably deserving of the Sunday Eel Pout, but There Can Be Only One.
Well kids, the hissing of the eel pout can only mean one thing: this Sunday's Eel Pout award is over.
