The Sunday Eel Pout

Last week, John McCain was awarded the Sunday Eel Pout for his "diplomatic offensive" on NATO.
Sadly, the week just ended brought a new bundle of outrages and idiocies.
So, as we bait the hook and reluctantly face the prospect of pulling another eel pout out onto the Minnesota ice for this week's award, let's survey the candidates:

• Michael O'Hanlon is our first, who you may recall was one of the "critics" of the surge who was portrayed as coming 'round to Bush's side last year before the September report. Even a cursory examination of the facts quickly showed that O'Hanlon was a surge supporter all along, but the Administration still employed this shill. Now O'Hanlon is being employed again, publicly stating that both Obama and Clinton "fail on Iraq". Yet he gives the Decider a B+ for his "success". O'Hanlon said last March that we should give the surge "another six to nine months" before giving up on it. Time's up.
• Former White House spokesman Tony Snow, who decried the American media for its "failure narrative" with regard to the Iraqi occupation. Saying, "there's a disconnect between politics and the media and the rest of the country", Snow admitted that 80% of Bush advisers were opposed to the surge when it was proposed. Snow admires Bush for ignoring his advisers, even though Bush claimed in his 1/07 speech proposing the surge that "our military commanders reviewed the new Iraqi plan to ensure that it addressed these mistakes. They report that it does. They also report that this plan can work". The truth now seems to be the opposite. Snow deserves to be a candidate for the Sunday Eel Pout on the basis of implying that the American people still support the Iraqi occupation.
• Karl Rove, who this week endorsed John McCain's nomination. When Bush was running against McCain eight years ago, however, Rove denounced McCain's "combative style" as "not the mark of a leader who can unite the party and win the [White House]. Now he is pleased that Republicans are "already uniting behind" McCain. John McCain now terms Rove as "one of the smartest political minds in America".
• U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia for his defence of torture in a BBC interview this week. Once again the fictional premise of Jack Bauer is trotted out, only this time, the BBC interviewer calls him on it. Scalia essentially responds that its a matter of degree, and that if the fictional scenario were real, "we’re into a different game. How close does the threat have to be and how severe can an infliction of pain be?" His contorted logic seemingly dismisses the concept of presumption of innocence. How does one "know"that someone is guilty before it becomes "absurd" to refrain from torturing them? You simply torture someone until they admit their guilt, and that justifies the use of torture. Remember, kids, this guy is on the Supreme Court.
• Vice President Dick Cheney, who is trying to “block the release of video depositions by White House aides” in a lawsuit “by a man who was arrested after he allegedly touched Cheney at a Colorado shopping mall in 2006.” He is concerned that releasing the depositions could "embarrass and invade the privacy of [his] two aides". The "untouchable" Cheney is obviously not concerned about invading the privacy of millions of Americans on a daily basis with the Administration's warrantless wiretaps and data-mining, but revealing these depositions is just going a bit too far.
• Fox News, for it's portrayal of the FISA telecom immunity issue. The warrantless wiretapping was blithely described on Cavuto's show neatly and in summary this way: "The program began after 9/11 to help protect Americans." Yes, it's just that simple, except that this practise began even before 9/11. The Senate vote was described as "some good news for telecom companies". And that's what's really important, isn't it?

The winner of Minnesota's absolutely unwanted, utterly uncoveted, dismally appropriate, shudder-inspiring, and completely ignominious Sunday Eel Pout is Antonin Scalia for his deeply disturbing and offhand remarks that "it would be absurd" to refuse to torture people. Scalia's words will be quoted by repressive regimes throughout the world, and held up with contempt for decades by the rest of the world. Mr. Scalia, I am proud to present you with this writhing and hissing prize. No, you can't throw it back. It's against the law in Minnesota to throw a rough fish back in the water. You're stuck with it, like every other angler in the North Star State. Feed it to the dog, use it for fertiliser, wear it around your neck to frighten small children, but get it the hell out of my sight.

All of the idiots in this week's race were unquestionably deserving of the Sunday Eel Pout, but There Can Be Only One.

Well kids, the hissing of the eel pout can only mean one thing: this Sunday's Eel Pout award is over.